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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Real Talk: Marriage. Do we rush, or do we ride?

Me and my now called ex have been together for over 5 years. We are both Africans and have been raised within an African-Canadian culture. I can definitely say that I love him and I want to share my life with him. Some Africans, who reside in the western world, have this tradition that they don’t let their daughters move in with their man, until marriage. So also it is with my parents. However, I am 24 year old woman, ready to marry the man that I love. He tells me to wait. The problem is: I can’t so I have let our relationship go


I am 24 year old and I haven’t finished my degree in arts and culture. I still live with my parents and it drives me crazy. I barely get the privacy that I desire. I had found my own place to live, but my then boyfriend didn’t want me to move out, because he wanted me to wait. His statement was that it would be a waste for me to live on my own, while I can wait till I get my degree so that he can make us ‘official’ with my parents. When he does, I can move in with him. Truth is: I don’t think he has reasons to be waiting. We have been together for so long. I regard waiting as just a reason to keep me hanging. I don’t want to be that woman. I broke up with him 1, 5 month ago. He can’t seem to let me go. Some of my friends don’t understand me, but they don’t just understand my feelings. They suggest I need Abina’s Real Talk.

yours,

Amina K. (Ontario, Canada)

Dear reader's what's your view on this issue?

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2 comments:

  1. UnknownMarch 22, 2011 at 3:22 PM

    Dear Amina

    The situation you in is normal to those of us who are raised up in 2 culturals. the truth is your really want to be independent like most western woman, but you are a African woman and you will never find peace even if you rush out from home and seek your own. it will be another prodigal story.
    Your ex is not the problem. The problem Amina is that
    1. You lack self control over your feelings.
    2. You seems to be running on a biological clock.

    Just remember that life is a marathon.

    The thing is your (ex) boy is a real gent, because most guys will have you live with them and enjoy you ( or allow you to spoil yourself) only to disappoint you in the end.

    Here is a guy who wants to make you his queen, wants you to mature and marry you with your parents consent.
    All for the love of you.

    Its amazing how a woman can cry and pray for a good man, and yet have no clue at all what makes a man a good man.

    Your ex(boy) is all good. My advice: Run back to him.

    Have a little faith in your man.
    By the look of things he loves you. Love is enough reason to wait.

    Prince

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  2. FeliciaApril 17, 2011 at 6:34 PM

    Maby your problem lies somewhere else. Were you really happy in the relationship? This can not be THE reason for leaving. You can't be that impatient. Especially so young.
    Take this from an older woman of 35. It is better to take your time than to rush. Rushing makes you miss your mark.
    Your man seems allright. Give it go, sweetheart.
    All the best.

    ReplyDelete