Abina's 2012 top 5 resolutions: Enjoy everyday life!

The year 2011 is left behind and the ‘notorious’ year 2012 has finally arrived. There is no need to be in terror of this year, rather It is a great time to consider new and further plans to living life at your best. We want to start  you off with 5 of Abina’s year 2012 resolutions. Remember to take them at heart and enjoy your everyday life.

Real talk: African men can’t be faithful

 It started centuries ago: one man having 2 or more women. The modern societies seem to have brought an end to this lifestyle, whereby it seems impossible for men to have 2 or more women. Yet to some Africans, this lifestyle is at least one generation away. For example: Granddad who lived in Africa and who used to be married to grandmother, yet had children with other women while being in the marriage.’ Doesn’t this prove that this ‘unfaithful’ lifestyle is in the blood of our African men of this generation? Hasn’t this lifestyle manifested in our daily lives wherein African men cheat and the woman stick by, because they want to stay in a relationship? Some Abina readers had interesting answers.

Real talk Best-friends can’t date

We all have friendships. Whether it’s long-term or short-term, we all engage ourselves in friendships. Awkwardly, when there is just a friendship between the opposite sexes, some say that there will always be romantic feelings on some part. Do you think this statement is true or false? And do you think that romantic relationship, which can flow out of these friendships can work out? Do you think it's wise to make the flame a firework? I asked some readers their opinions about this matter. Well, here is what they say.

We last, because we make it work

Heartbreak is something that we all we deal with. Some of us experience a great success in our love relationships and some of us don’t. What we all have in common is that we all want our relationships to work and last. I interviewed young couples who have been together for years. We asked them this question: why are you still together and what made your relationship work?

Real Talk: Our intimacy and his best friend

We all have relationships with moments that are to be cherished. Some of these moments are cherished and kept between the two people in that relationship. Everybody has at least one of these moments. The peace that we have while keeping this moments to ourselves, breaks when we share them with another outside the relationship. In this case it’s the best friend. It’s his best-friend or her best-friend, it doesn’t matter. The best friend is a real issue, because she knows too much.

Real Talk: Marriage. Do we rush, or do we ride?

Me and my now called ex have been together for over 5 years. We are both Africans and have been raised within an African-Canadian culture. I can definitely say that I love him and I want to share my life with him. Some Africans, who reside in the western world, have this tradition that they don’t let their daughters move in with their man, until marriage. So also it is with my parents. However, I am 24 year old woman, ready to marry the man that I love. He tells me to wait. The problem is: I can’t so I have let our relationship go

Real Talk: It's a Blackberry Thing!

It hasn’t even been 5 years since Blackberry became popular among non-business men and woman in Europe. Obviously Blackberry has blown us away. More people find themselves addicted to the so called ‘ping’, instant messaging and access to email. This is great, you think. But blackberry is interrupting our social time! And crackberry’s are getting on my nerves.

I am the social type. I like hanging out with friends to talk about anything. I meet with my friends for their company. I love their company! But they can’t seem to put down their phone when we go out to dinner. I grab the blackberry as much as I can, but this makes me tired. I got so tired that I gave her an ultimatum: it’s either me or your damn blackberry! This resulted in a fight. Blackberry must die! No blackberry should be allowed in the presence of people. Period. Use it in your own time!

Real Talk: Woman always ask, but can't handle the thruth!

I have a lovely girlfriend who is so curious. I am honest to her about my past relationships, but not completely. Let me create the scenario: She asked me if I have ever been attracted to this girl, who is, my best friend. I gave her a complete honest answer. This answer was: yes, I was attracted to her in the past. I tried to start something romantically, but she was not ready. I totally regret giving an honest answer, because my current girlfriend is now worried about my relationship with my best friend. The interests for my best friend are completely over. And there is nothing there. I am in love with my girlfriend and she should know.

Real talk: Men Cheat but women lie.

You might be thinking: Is this the same post as the former one? No it is not. See it as a follow up on the first post that has this title. I like the statement: ‘Men cheat, but women lie’, because it says many things. It means that women can be as bad men can be in a relationship. There are many definitions to this statement. However, it does not apply to everyone, ofcoarse.

The reason why I post relationship issues is because not everyone has the chance to share their experiences to get advice. Real Talk is a way of sharing different opinions, so that the person with the problem can decide for herself which next step to take. After all, a good state of a relationship can make such a difference to our daily mood. And we gotta be healthy in our relationships, by keeping it real. Real Talk!

Dear Abina,

I am dating a guy who is confusing to me. At the start, he was not my type, but I was definitely open-minded.

Real Talk: Staying Fly makes him wanna stay

Dear Abina,

I and my boyfriend are together for 4 years now. I can say that I am absolutely crazy about him. We at least speak to each other every day and I consider him as my best friend.

We had a discussion some time ago. His statement was: ‘I did not hook up with you for your looks, but for your heart, your state of mind’. Abina, I call this complete nonsense.

Real Talk: Men Cheat, But Women Lie.

Dear Abina,

I have been following your blog and I absolutely love it. It's just that I am noticing that women publish their stories more than man do. I do want to make sure that readers are equally informed about men and women's feelings and experiences.

I have heard the comment so many times: 'black men, can't handle real women, because we always seem to cheat and mistreat. Truth is: we are most of the time insecure. We cheat to find out if we still control the game, which 'real' women call love. This has nothing to do with the women whom we are with, although we seem to make this statement to our women. Ladies, know this: when a man cheats, it has nothing to do with you.

Real Talk: Good girls can't ever be bad

Dear Abina,

I am constantly labelled as: ‘the good girl’. I do not have a problem with this label, but I find out that I am considered as weak. Just because I don’t sleep around, don’t have a loud mouth and keep my cool doesn’t mean I’m weak. I notice that my friends consider me as weak. A guy who is considered as a rude boy approached me one day; my friends told him that he was rather too strong for me. Just because I’m a good girl doesn’t mean I am weak. How do I keep my goodness, but still show that I am that strong woman that I am?

Yours

Sandy Ama

Real Talk

Black men can’t handle real women!

Dear Abina,

I am 24 years old and I am a young European-Senegalese woman. I describe myself as beautiful, loving, ambitious, relaxed and trustworthy. I have a great job as an event manager. When it comes to relationships, I am reliable, I take good care of my man. I can be described as the ‘good girl’.

I am dating this guy for more than 8 months now. He is lovely, funny, he gives me attention and we get along great. But yet, he is scared. He admits that he does not know how to handle his feelings for me, because he does not easily get feelings for a woman.